it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
