After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
