Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
