Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
