Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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