My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
