woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
