its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
