sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
