I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
