the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
