oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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