dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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