I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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