I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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