My room smells like vodka and shame
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
