I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
