ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
operation harelip BJ is a go
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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