Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
