I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
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I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
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what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We need to feng shui this bitch.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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