I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
