"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Non-Jews are for practice
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
