420 ftw
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
