So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
