Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
