just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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