ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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