but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
