Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
