Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
And then my night got REAL pukey
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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