Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
