I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
