After last night, I could never be a politician.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
