Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
