it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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