The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
