Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Semen is not good for contacts.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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