Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
