I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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