Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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