You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
