I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
