Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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