Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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