i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
