i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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