did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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