So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
