im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
