after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
