ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Two words: blizzard sex
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
