dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
