It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
