It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
