You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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