You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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