I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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