The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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