How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
