drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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