Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
