My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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