I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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