Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
