I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
