so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
