Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
