he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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