You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize