it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
