there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
