Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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