Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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