Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
