i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
