So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
