you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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