WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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